Last Winter

It is cold as ‘Billy be Dammed’ here today, Eighteen degrees and a good stiff wind. I was checking my front door for leaks and managed to lock myself out. I was in my slippers and there is a glaze on all the snow, everything frozen up tight and very slippery. I had a key hidden in a ceramic elephant in the back yard. The gate was frozen shut so I had to climb over the picket fence, a tricky maneuver. I had my plastic snow shovel and proceeded to try to chip the elephant out of the snow, it turned out to be ice. No luck getting it free to access the key. Luckily it was warmer in the sun in the back yard and I had on my long underwear. I thought of the metal garden tools hanging in a bag by the front door. I climbed back over the picket fence, ouch ouch ouch, and went for a pair of pruners when I spotted a rock I had brought back from Long Island as a memento. I picked up the rock, climbed back over the fence, ouch ouch ouch, and smashed the elephant with the rock. There was the key. My glasses fell off and both lenses fell out on the snow. Luckily I saw them, put the lenses in one pocket and the frames in another. I left the rock with the pieces of the former elephant, took the key. By this time my hands were very cold, climbed over the fence, ouch ouch, I'm getting better at it, went to the front door. I had a hard time getting the key in the lock. My hands weren't working too well and as it opened I was greeted by a blast of warm air. I dropped the spare key in the bag with the garden tools. Enough of this clever hiding places caper. Enough adventures for one day.